An ordinary boy, an ordinary name...

*My, the O'Reily apartment's a major contributor of accidental video posts lately, isn't it? Today, it doesn't seem focused on a broken-hearted temporary vampire or hothot naked silver hedgehogs, but on young Joey. The couch has been pushed away, leaving room for the massive pile of socks the young man is sleeping on. Various dog toys, rawhide chews, and a single pair of utterly destroyed shoes litter the area around the makeshift nest, and his head rests on a squeaky toy newspaper. A blanket has been thrown over him, most likely by his father*

*The smaller of the blue hedgehogs comes into view and sits down by him. He strokes the quills on the top of the boy's head gently*

Poor baby. You must've really wore yourself out last night, kid...

*The boy stirs, opening his eyes just by a sliver*

Mngh? Papà? C'è qualcosa che non va?

I'm going to assume that was somethin' about why you're on the floor. The shear gotcha, but you're OK now. Just rest for now, all right?

*Joey nods and mumbles*

Va bene, papà, quello che dici.

*A pause, then he bolts upright and looks around frantically, taking in the scene around him. The blanket falls to his waist in the process, showing that aside from a few lingering scraps of fabrics clinging to him, he's very much naked*

Wait what shear?! Why are there socks everywhere? What's with the dog toys?! *shivers, looks down, and then grabs the blanket and pulls it up further* AND WHY AM I NAKED?!?

*A male voice, perhaps a familiar one if one watches a lot of daytime talk shows, can be heard. A certain popular baker Sonic can be heard talking over the voice on TV*

Yak, yak, yak. C'mon, get to the good stuff!

*footsteps, then Joey can be heard talking as well*

What on Earth are you watching, father?

Eh, an episode of the Maury Rose show I TiVo'd. This new band I came across is supposed t'be playing on it, but it's taking foreeeeeverrr t'get to it.

*Joey makes an odd, strangled little noise and mutters*

Ohgodsshewasrightabouttheshowthereisnogod.

What was that, Joey?

I, er...

*The male voice on TV can be heard introducing a band called Darksoul*

Ooo, wait, hold that thought, Joey! They're on!

*In true Sonic fashion, O'Reily cranks up the sound when the band starts to play hard and fast. O'Reily can be heard shouting over the music. Joey can only be heard by virtue of being practically on top of the comm*

AREN'T THEY AWESOME? YOU DON'T HEAR STUFF LIKE THAT EVERYDAY--HUH? HEY, YOU LOOK AWFUL PALE ALL OF A SUDDEN, JOEY. YOU FEELIN' ALL RIGHT?

Oh god why is she wearing those there is no god oh god oh god oh god whyyyyyyyyyyyy...

*At first, there's nothing interesting going on in the feed. All you can see is a good view of the O'Reily apartment, which is now littered with stray computer parts on the tables, dirty socks on the floor, and what appears to be an Xbox 360 with its casing removed and set aside*

*Soon, however, a window in the background opens and Joey enters, carrying small basket of tomatoes. He sets the basket on a table in the back, stretches, and heads towards the couch in the foreground*

Let's see, bakery business attended to for the day, dinner finished, plants checked on, Xbox repair...

*Eyes the partially dismantled console and frowns*

... can wait, since it's just going on eBay... That's everything, I think. So...

*takes off his pants, revealing boxers with the Tasmanian Devil printed on them, and tosses the pants aside*

Goodbyyyyyyyyyyyye, pants!

*flops on the couch, then picks up a remote and starts up some annoyingly bouncy electronica music*

*A small, messy room comes into view. Clothes and what appear to be new textbooks are stacked in milk crates and on a small dresser. There's a rather nice computer set up on a desk, with a familiar PDA and pair of orange-tinted glasses next to it*

*Joey is also in the room, looking at himself in a full-length mirror propped up against the wall. He's wearing a recruit uniform, jacket open and with an untucked white button-down shirt under it*

Nn... I look too much like father this way...

*he takes off the jacket and shirt and casts them on a wobbly-looking desk chair. He takes a bright orange shirt reading "No, I will NOT fix your computer. >:(" and pulls it on, then puts the jacket back on. He checks himself from a few different angles in the mirror, smiling*

Yes, this is much better. Definitely more me~

*Surprisingly, the footage takes place not in the bakery, where Joey would normally be at this hour, but in a small corner of the O'Reily family's apartment. He's seated at a table, a laptop off to the side of him and a stack of (perhaps familiar) papers right in front of him. He twirls a pen in one hand, with the pen's cap in his mouth. He picks up the papers, looks over the top sheet, then frowns and puts it back down*

*He sets the pen down and rests his forehead on the edge of the table, then thumps the table once with his fist*

God damn it... What should I do?

((OOC: ... someone wants to stay and enlist maybe. >w>a))

Ugh, what the hell is going on? Why was I passed out on the bakery floor? Why is the bakery trashed? Why are my clothes torn up and why is my jaw aching like hell?

...

And why does my father have a sword and is hugging me like he hasn't seen me in ages?

*On the roof of the building that houses both the O'Reily Bakery and the family's apartment is a row of decently-large planters. Some contain flowers, some herbs. Joey is tending to the garden, dirt on his clothes and a large, wide-brimmed floppy hat on his head that would be more at home on an older lady's head than a teenager's. O'Reily himself is some distance away, sprawled out on a lawn chair with sunglasses on his face and Chess stretched across his lap*

*The boy scowls at something among the herbs, and pluck out something all too familiar and presents it to his lounging father*

Father. What the hell is this doing in my herb garden?

*raises the sunglasses to get a better look and flashes an embarrased smile*

Eheheh... Pot's an herb too?

*Joey covers his eyes and make a dissatisfied little sound*

No, father. No, it isn't. Honestly, why can't you grow this in a closet with a sun lamp like a respectable stoner?

... 'cause every time I try, it dies, and you have a gift with plants?

*heavy sigh* Father...

*Joey is seated at a little table, still female and writing something in a notebook. With a fizzle of static, suddenly the boy's male again. He looks down, frowns at his shirt, and tugs at the fabric on the chest*

What the hell? How did this get stretched out...?

*notices the notebook. From what little can be seen from this angle, it looks like there are hearts and scrawls of "Mrs. Shira Sorel" on one of the pages. Joey pales upon the realization, his eye just twitching in... shock? Surprise? Annoyance?*

... what. The. Fuck?!

*Gathers up the book and runs off-screen. The click-click-click of a stove burner can be heard*

*sounding a bit higher-pitched than normal*

Faaaaaaaaaather, have you seen my baaaaaaaath beeeeeeeeeeeads?

*sound of footsteps heading towards the comm*

Oh, sorry, I grabbed some and forgot to put them back. Are you OK? You sound--ohsweetjesuswhatthefuckarethose.

They're called "breasts", father. I've had them since I was around 13. Honestly, I would think that even if you're not interested in women, you'd at least know what one looks like.

... of course they are. How silly of me to ask. *facepalm* Oh, this is going to be fun for the next week or so...

So, as I was saying, where-- *a moment of silence as O'Reily points to them* Ah, thank you. *hums as she picks them up and walks away*

A note, to all those afflicted by this "mating season" madness:

Whoever said cold showers are a good way to calm oneself when grasped with the desire to mate and having no one available to do so with is a goddamned liar. All it does is make you wet and pissed off. Do not attempt one unless you would like to be wet and/or pissed off.

This has been a community service announcement from your friendly neighborhood prince Rogue baker's son.

hfkldsfhdklfh;lf;hslfkhldfhffffffffffffffffffffff

happy birthday to me

((Guess who just got a peacock stripper courtesy of Shira. \D))

Shira? Do you have any plans for Valentine's Day? If not, would you mind if I hung out with you that night? I'd like to give my parents a little, er, "alone time". I'll even bring cake! It may be pink and covered in hearts, but it's still good.

... what. The fuck. Happened to me? Reality shear. Did you really think. I wanted. To be. A simpering little goody-goody. FOR TEN FUCKING DAYS?

I think I hate reality shears now.

Um... Hello? Zone Cop people? I hate to keep bothering you when there's some kind of crisis going on, but I have a question...

See, my Papa Red's back to normal, but now Dad's a really bossy woman and ever since she came back from helping with a delivery to the Happy Medium yesterday morning, her quills turned green at the tips. Is that normal? Because it doesn't seem to be bothering her, but it's kinda weird...

Um, yeah. If it's not a big deal, don't worry about this post, but I'm just worried because all of this reality shear stuff is new to me and I don't really know much about it, and I want to make sure Dad--or should I call her "Mom" now?--is OK. 8C

*The recording clicks on to a light blue hedgehog/bat hybrid with dark blue stripes. He wears a familiar orange and brown shirt with an angry smiley face and the caption "I am happy", although it's several sizes too large for him and hangs off one shoulder. Still-familiar orange-lensed glasses are perched upon his muzzle. He appears to be in some distress*

... um... hello? Am I doing this right? This PDA is unlike anything I've ever seen before...

Anyway, can anyone tell me why Papa Red thinks he's in love with a creepy pink cat all of a sudden, and where mom and Papa Jet went to? Everything's gone all weird here and dad's all depressed again and I don't know what to do... *his large ears droop*

*the sounds of a sewing machine can be heard in the background*

... father. Please tell me you are not making what I think you're making.

OK, I won't.

You know if you wear that, I'll have to disown you, correct?

Pfft, you'd never do that; I give ya food.

Point.

'Sides, it ain't for me. I'm gonna try t'get your Papa Red into it~

Oh, well, that's all right then. Try not to let him punch you too hard when you ask.

Aw, but what if I want him to punish me on behalf of the Moon~?

... then ask him when I'm not here. PLEASE.

*It's a rather ordinary day at O'Reily's bakery. Nothing's out of place amid the older's hedgehog's baking and one Miss Lanikai's cleaning up*

*But suddenly, heavy footsteps are heard coming down the stair. A very wet, very naked, and very much desheared Joey bursts into the room, giddiness written all over his face*

FATHER FATHER FATHER I GOT MY STRIPES BACK LOOK LOOK LOOK!

*the older hedgehog turns to him, looks him over, and rubs the back of his head*

Eheheh, that's very nice, Joey...

*The female echidna also gives him a visual once-over*

Um... Joseph...

Huh? What is the matter?

*she says nothing as she points down. The boy's line of sight follows, and then he finally adds one plus one and gets "HOLY SHIT I'M NAKED". He shrieks, covers himself, and runs back where he came from*

*the older hedgehog turns back around and resumes what he was doing*

... so... How goes the apartment search, Kai?

[EDITED IN AFTER THE FACT//TEXT]

YOU SAW NOTHING.

--ill wonder what's in those private entries...

*pause*

... I shouldn't. I really shouldn't. It's probably nothing anyway.

*a longer pause*

... I still wonder...

( Private to Scourge//Unhackable )

This place is rather interesting. We have high-tech things like the comms on one end, mages and the like on the other, and everything in between. The pop culture's equally schizophrenic as well, and then there's bands, programs, and memes that I've never even seen before. It's utterly fascinating and there's still so much to learn...

But I'm rambling, aren't I? I'll stop now.

( Private//Unhackable )

( Private to Scourge//Unhackable )

Wonder where I can find a grocery store open this time of night. We don't have any peppers, but I'm dying for fajitas. 8(